going light - part 1

In July 2019, I gave up social media for a month in an attempt to disconnect from the world and reconnect with myself. For the most part, I’d say that I accomplished what I set out to do back then. During that time, I read a book titled, “How to Break Up With Your Phone,” by Catherine Price. The book had a lot of recommendations on cutting down screen time on a smart phone and was super helpful for me at that point in my life. At that point, I committed to dropping social media from my iPhone and was intentional about not using my phone all the time.

Additionally, one of the ideas the book offered up as well was to switch from using a smart phone back to using a “dumb phone”, albeit, a newer version of the old dumb phones we had in middle and high school.

Instead of writing it off, I looked into the light phone and decided that while it was a neat concept, it just wasn’t for me at that time. I had so many excuses as to why I wouldn’t do it.

  1. I run social media for Stadium Heights and therefore NEED a smart phone.

  2. I travel sometimes and need to use Google Maps to navigate different cities.

  3. My Chipotle rewards is on my iPhone so how will I get those points when I go there once every couple of months?

As I continued to name off excuse after excuse, and I promise you this, the list was much longer than 3, I found myself justifying further and further the need to keep my iPhone instead of making the switch to the light phone.

I started the fall semester in August 2019, and after a semester and a half of normalcy in my job, COVID hit, and I found myself readjusting to life with less. Less opportunities to hang out with friends. Less chances to grab coffee with people. Less time spent out and about, casually doing nothing while claiming to do so much.

Life with less also meant life with a little bit more, though. More time spent at home in front of the TV watching episode after episode of Survivor. More time spent hanging out with Riley at the dog park. More time downloading silly games on my phone and aimlessly scrolling through posts on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat stories, etc. all to come around again to the other apps since I had spent enough time away on the other apps for a refresh of content to make its way to the top.

Screen time overtook my life. I spent 6-7 hours a day with the screen on on my iPhone. Think about how crazy that sounds, because it 100% is. I was consumed by my phone. Whether it was a quick glance at work when I shouldn’t be, or using it as a 2nd screen while I watched TV, I spent countless hours using my phone for so many purposes other than what, at the root of it all, it was originally intended for; to be a phone first.

In early July, I hit a point where I was recognizing these patterns in my day to day routine. Then, I saw an ad for the light phone. Say what you will about seeing an ad at exactly the right time, but dang, that was timely and exactly what I needed. With a sticker price of $350 (I know, it’s a lot) I hesitated for 2 weeks as I restarted my list from above again. This time around, though, I made some changes to my iPhone instead of just deleting social media apps. I removed all of the apps I didn’t care about from my home screen. I deleted 20-30 apps that I never/rarely used. All in all, I worked to try to make my iPhone more of a phone rather than a device to consume my life. However, after 2 weeks of changes and minimal results on dropping my screen time down (it’s pretty easy to swipe to a different page to reopen Instagram), I made the decision to buy the light phone.

Next week, I’ll be posting again but with my thoughts on what it’s been like going light since July 21. Stay tuned.

Making Moves in 2020- February Goal

In January, I set a goal to get back into my better habits. To get back into my routine. To get back to spending my morning in the rhythms that I love, the rhythms that make every day so much better. I set this goal as a starting point to the life I want in 2020. A life where I put my personal health and wellbeing above things that don’t bring me joy and happiness.

Sometimes sounds sappy to say things like that or to name prioritizing yourself above other things but at the end of the day, if I want to see change in my life, then I need to change things to get there- right?

I didn’t set that goal until the 14th so the goal is still only just over 2 weeks old. Some mornings I was really good about getting up, making coffee, and starting my day peacefully at home or by going to the gym. There were some days where that simply just didn’t happen though- like days where I was up at 2:30 am on a duty call. You really have the liberty to give yourself a lot of grace when working through your own goals and I definitely give myself permission for that on mornings when my job required me to be up late. Regardless of that, though, my January goal was one that I’m glad I started and I’m excited to continue through the rest of this year.

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If this is the first “Making Moves in 2020” blog you’ve read, throughout this year, I decided to set a new goal every month and work hard that month to accomplish that goal. Some will be short term things that will be more of a “one and done’ kind of a goal. Others will take more time and continue on into the next months too. At the end of the day, the point of all of this is to challenge myself to be better, do better, and work hard toward the things I want.

Each month, I’ll post a blog introducing the goal and you can expect to see them showing up on the My Goals page too.

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My goal for February is simply to focus more on myself. Focus on my health. Focus on my friendships. Focus on my mind. It’s not the most extravagant goal by any means, but it’s a goal nonetheless and one I’m excited to work for this month.

Making Moves in 2020- January Goal

19 for 19 was ambitious but if there was anything that I should be applying to my life from my time back in Dance Marathon, it’s that goals are mean’t to be hard and are meant to challenge you to be better and do better. Goals shouldn’t be easy- you should have to work for them. That’s why I set 19 goals last year and in only FULLY completing 9 of them, we saw just how tough and challenging some of them were for me.

That’s why I’m setting out to complete a different set of new goals for 2020. Instead of doing 20 for 20 (which would have been such a great title for it), I’ve decided to set a new goal every month and work hard that month to accomplish that goal. Some will be short term things that will be more of a “one and done’ kind of a goal. Others will take more time and continue on into the next months too. At the end of the day, the point of all of this is to challenge myself to be better, do better, and work hard toward the things I want.

Each month, I’ll post a blog introducing the goal and you can expect to see them showing up on the My Goals page too.

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I’m setting my goal late for January (the first 14 days of this month were crazy busy) so for the back half of this month, my goal is to get into my new rhythm of waking up at 5:30 am on Monday through Friday, making myself a cappuccino, read my bible, journal, get to the gym around 6 am, workout, then get home to shower, get ready, and start my day by 8 am. I want to continue doing this throughout the year but that routine needs to start now.

What the Deaf Community has taught me about Communication

Since 2013, I have visited Jamaica six different times; the first five of which I visited as a part of a mission trip to work alongside those engaged in full-time ministry at the Caribbean Christian Centre for the Deaf (CCCD), a K-12 school for the deaf in the heart of Kingston, Jamaica. It was a trip I began taking while a college student at the University of Northern Iowa and then had the ability to continue going on to serve as a leader while working at Minnesota State University, Mankato. My most recent trip took place in November 2019, after several years of going with a team and building relationships with different individuals in the country. That trip was honestly just for fun- getting to help where a hand was needed but more to take a break toward the end of the semester.

When I took my first trip in March 2013, all I knew about the deaf community was that many of them used sign language to communicate and that I only knew how to sign two things; the letters of the alphabet and the phrase ‘yellow toilet’, thanks to Mrs. Whiton’s 7th grade sign language course. My journey learning about deaf culture and communication with individuals who are deaf is 7 years in the making and nowhere near the finish line. Truth be told, I don’t think there can ever be an end when it comes to learning about another person’s story and culture.

Several years ago, a small group of teenage Jamaican boys attending school at the CCCD developed an idea to begin brewing coffee using beans that a deaf farmer was growing and roasting in the hills of St. Elizabeth after they visited the farmer on a field trip. After a while, that idea turned into a social enterprise where youth who are deaf are being trained to be baristas and then are able to seek gainful employment at coffee shops across the country. The company, Deaf Can! Coffee, has expanded beyond just roasting and making coffee/espresso to locally baked goods being sold across the country. The “Deaf Can!” mindset has empowered deaf Jamaicans to build their confidence and see themselves as individuals who can do anything they set their minds to; flipping the view that the deaf are dumb while building up youth who are deaf across Jamaica to believe in themselves and the abilities they have. Deaf Can! Coffee has given students a place of belonging and a platform for the deaf community to educate others about the deaf culture.

I have had the opportunity to see some of those baristas give a presentation on LACK before, and I believe it perfectly sums up this concept. LACK stands for Language, Affirmation, Community, Knowledge - and serves as an explanation of the deaf culture in Jamaica as well as a literal representation of how many people view individuals who are deaf. The biggest thing that needs to be understood about individuals who are deaf prior to any talk on communication is that they don’t lack anything. While many may look at a person who is deaf and see a disability, many individuals who are deaf see ability.

Just because they lack the ability to hear, does not mean they lack the ability to communicate.

So if we understand that individuals who are deaf do not lack and we understand that their communication abilities are not less than those who can hear, they are just simply different than, then we can finally begin to understand what individuals who are deaf have taught me about communication.

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Throughout my years of school, I’ve been taught the most important part of communication is what isn’t said in a conversation. That shouldn’t come as a huge surprise to many, given that non-verbals make up 93% of communication with the remaining 7% being what is actually said. In a world filled with our heads buried in phones, though, that non-verbal communication can get lost. Think about your conversation habits and you might recognize that you spend a lot of time talking to others via social media/texting or that when your conversations are in person, you are speaking to them while pre-occupied with something else.

While individuals who are deaf can certainly use social media/texting to converse with others, non-verbals make up the entirety of their in person communication. Their communication primarily happens through sign language BUT, what you may not realize is how much more important eye contact is in their communication. Individuals who are able to hear can speak to another person in front of them without ever having to take their eyes off their computer; I know I’ve been guilty of this when working in my own office and someone swings in for something quick. Far too often I keep my eyes glued to my computer while passively listening to what they have to say. Individuals who are deaf use their eyes to both communicate but also to show their desire to not engage in a conversation. I’ve seen it happen too many times to count where two individuals who are deaf will be joking around in a conversation together and then one of them simply looks away to end the argument after signing their last few words.

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I mentioned before that I went on a trip to Jamaica on my own in November 2019, and that experience really helped solidify my thoughts on this writing. I arrived in country on a Friday afternoon and two of my friends who are hearing were away on a trip until Sunday afternoon. We had been communicating about my trip in the days prior and they informed me that Carlyle would be picking me up from the airport and then I’d spend the day Saturday travelling across the island to help with an event for Deaf Can! Coffee. While attending that event, I watched Carlyle and another barista, Travis, make drinks for people and heard time and time again how much the people enjoyed their drinks and were impressed with the baristas’ abilities. I met their “thank you’s” with “your welcomes” and signed their gratitude to the baristas so that they could know of their appreciation too. However, it made me think about how these two individuals have gone their lives with many in the hearing community not being able to communicate with them. They’ve walked through life in social situations not knowing what conversations are happening around them or they’ve watched TV and not known what was happening.

Less than a day after the event, though, I woke up on Sunday morning and attended a bible study in the cafe on site at CCCD. There were five of us in the room. Four individuals who were deaf and me, the only person who could hear. And then I understood. I sat for an hour in silence. Watching the four individuals who are deaf communicate back and forth using sign, non-verbals, facial expressions, and emotions to communicate with one another. And there I was, alone. Isolated from the situation, catching bits and pieces of the study from what little sign I knew but for the most part, unaware of what was going on around me.

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Individuals with hearing loss are intelligent humans who may not communicate with those who are hearing in the same way two individuals who can hear would, but they are still able to communicate. They are fully capable of doing whatever they set their mind to; they just need access to be able to do it. What good does a video training do for an individual who is deaf if there are no subtitles? What good does a microphone at the front of a stage do if there is not an interpreter there too?

I’ve learned quite a bit during my time in Jamaica, but like I stated before, I don’t believe my education will ever be complete when it involves learning about other cultures. We have a lot to learn from the deaf community - both about their culture and how they utilize their hands, eyes, lips, and non-verbals to communicate with the world. Knowing that there is so much more for all of us to learn, moving forward, the question I ask of you is this- how can you better serve these individuals in your daily life and your work as you strive to give individuals within the deaf community better access to the resources they need to be successful in your spaces?

My 19 for 19, a recap

Last Christmas, I sat down and wrote out 19 different goals that I wanted to work toward during 2019 (you can read about my motivation behind that in this blog) . Some were pretty personal, others were pretty tough, and others were simply about trying something new.

As I began working toward my goals this year, I realized just how tough some of them actually were. However, the most helpful thing for me this past year was that I had friends to thank for checking in on me and my goals. Several friends reached out sporadically throughout the year to ask about specific goals and encourage me to keep working toward the ones I hadn’t made a ton of progress in. That support was incredibly helpful in pushing me when things got tough.

At the end of it all, I completed 10 of my 19 goals and was close to finishing another 2-3 of them.

You can read final updates on each of my goals on my 19 for 19 page but below are some highlights on how the year went and how these things impacted my work toward my goals.

The Accident
In March, I was involved in a small car accident in Mankato during a snow storm. I was fine but my car was definitely not. The insurance company totaled out my car and I got a new one shortly thereafter. Thankfully, I had paid off my first car in February but then in April, started a new car payment. That impacted my ability to travel to 4 different countries and set me back slightly in saving up 6 months of expenses.

Growing Out my Hair
Many have commented over the year on their thoughts and feelings toward my new long hair. It’s been a change of pace for me to work with it- things just aren’t as easy as they used to be in the mornings. I’ve purchased hair ties for the first time in my life and then returned them for a larger size because apparently they come in different sizes. Also, the beautician at Target taught me all about dry shampoo and leave in conditioner and for that I am incredibly thankful.

The Numbers Game
Several of my goals all had to do with obtaining a specific number. I wanted to read 12 books (only read 9). I wanted to write 12 blogs (only wrote 6). I wanted to lose weight (I gained weight). I wanted to cook 52 new meals (I was crazy, only cooked 2 new recipes). All that to be said though, I realized over the past year that if I wanted to accomplish a task or goal, I had to make time for it. I took a break from social media in July and in that month, I had a TON of time to read, write, take photos, and golf. We make time for our priorities and that’s something I’ll take with me through 2020.

Overall, 2019 was a solid year. Nothing terribly ground breaking changed in my life but that’s completely okay. This year, I spent a lot of time thinking through who I am, the things I am passionate about, and the things that I want to work toward in the future.

Now it’s time to get to it.

i broke up with my phone

Remember when you were young and you used to play pretend? For me, it would inevitably happen like this. I’d be sitting inside and I’d tell my mom that I was bored. She would then spat off that I can either go outside and play or she’d put me to work if I told her I was bored one more time. It didn’t take much else to get me off the couch and out the door at that point. More often than not, I’d find myself grabbing my brother, running out the back door, through the back gate and trotting catty corner through my neighbor’s back yard to get to my friends house. With a knock on the door, my brother and I’s friends would come running down the stairs and we’d head across the street to Cartwright Park. For hours, we would play man on the wood chips or pretend we were spies and run all around the park- finding treasures and hiding from the bad people. As the sun would begin to set, we’d hear mom yelling for us to come home for dinner and through the backyards my brother and I would run, making our way home again.

After reading the book, How to Break Up with your Phone by Catherine Price, I started thinking about playing pretend a lot over the past couple of months. Specifically, I’m wondering how many children now a days play pretend? How many of them who are in late elementary school are out playing on playgrounds with their friends? Are they out exploring hidden places and climbing trees or are they all still inside, satisfying their boredom with their phones.

Creativity is often sparked by boredom, which is another mental state that our phones are great at helping us avoid.

- Catherine Price, author of How to Break Up With Your Phone

Phones take away our boredom and therefore our creativity. They rob us of our joy and supplement true happiness with manufactured bliss. The worst part is, we don’t even recognize that it’s happening when it first starts. Little by little, we spend more and more time on our phones. We pull out our phones when we’re bored, when we have a couple of minutes to spare between classes or at the start of meetings, we even pull out our phones while we are hanging out with our friends- making sure that there isn’t something better happening out there that we might be missing out on.

Half the time, we don’t even realize that we do this. Grabbing for our phones is so second nature to us now that we don’t bat an eye when we do it- it’s so instinctive that when we don’t have our phones on us, we realize that it is missing more than we realize when it’s present.

Once a habit has crossed the line to an addiction, it can be triggered by cues that are so subtle that we don’t even notice them.

- Catherine Price, author of How to Break Up With Your Phone

Over the month of July, I gave up social media. That meant deleting Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn from my phone and logging out of Facebook and Twitter on my laptop. Prior to embarking on this, I recorded my screen time in June and then tracked it in July. In June, I was spending almost 40 hours a week on my phone. Of that, 20 hours was spent on social media. Below is what I tracked in the month of July.

I found some direct correlation between my pickups and notifications. When I received more notifications, I picked up my phone more often. What changed at the end of July is that I turned off almost all notifications on my phone which DRASTICALLY changed how many times I picked up my phone and, subsequently, how much time I spent on my phone. The high points on scree time came from the 4th of July, Amazon Prime Day (the random spike in the middle of the month), and a trip to North Dakota at the end of July where I was using my phone to look things up A LOT.

So where am I at now that it’s been over a month and a half since this social media break? Let me tell you.

  1. It’s really REALLY easy to fall back into old habits. It takes patience, forgiving yourself, and real perseverance to break bad habits- especially breaking up with your phone.

  2. I redownloaded Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn but kept Facebook off my phone. If I need to use Facebook, I log in via my internet app and that is a pain, let me tell you.

  3. With the school year starting up, I find that when I do spend time on my phone, I’m spending a significant amount of time using my phone for work now. From using Slack to communicate to my team to posting content on Instagram and Snapchat for Stadium, I’m using my phone for work more than I had been during the summer.

Sometimes I find myself spending meaningless time on my phone and those are the moments that I am working to quit. What I will say about all of this, though, is that your own recognition of your personal usage is the catalyst that you need to get any real change started.

Enjoy your life. Be present with your friends. Put down your phone.